but it isn't?

I'm so ready to find someone, but it shouldn't be to compete with you.
I wanna find that kind of relationship you hear about in stories...real life and fiction.
I don't think I've felt it yet, but my fear is that it has come and gone. Please no. please everything change soon..but for the better. I know how the devil twists words. I don't know what to focus on right now, or how to feel...or how to be. teenage? yes. I sometimes feel like it's going to take "that" person to bring me in. but the feminist side of me says no. I wanna live dammit.