thoughts from here

I am changing

2010-04-12T23:55:00.002-04:00

life is changing.
my mind is clouded right now.
though I have some clear visions.
I'm being very fast decision.
I hope this works out, and I'm right.
I want to make something of myself.
am I being influenced?
is this me?
I sure hope so.
i hope. i hope. i hope.

i love you megan, i really do

2010-02-18T02:26:00.001-05:00

i love you too.

hey, you...why did you start this up again? yes, you...then one that makes me question everyone i'm with

so...

2010-02-16T22:35:00.002-05:00

it's happened for me
and yes, it's scary..and yes, I'm crazier than i thought i'd be..and much more determined.

I'm reading it for the fourth time...

2010-02-05T00:27:00.002-05:00

"Chaos is more freedom; in fact, total freedom. But no meaning. I want to be free to act, and I also want my actions to mean something."

""Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.""

"Time is priceless, but it’s Free. You can't own it, you can use it. You can spend it. But you can't keep it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."

""We laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away:right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment.""

"He made the boxes because he was lonely. He didn’t have anyone to love, and he made the boxes so he could love them, and so people would know that he existed, and because birds are free and the boxes are hiding places for the birds so they will feel safe, and he wanted to be free and be safe. The boxes are for him so he can be a bird."

"we both smile and we are conspirators."

"I wait for him.
Each moment that I wait
feels like a year,
an eternity.
Each moment is as slow
and transparent as glass.
Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting.
Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

never gets old...

so...

2010-02-03T13:53:00.001-05:00

it's time for me to get my act together....and in mid sentence I even started to question that..

oh, and this.

2010-02-01T23:56:00.001-05:00

If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. ~Russian Proverb

makes me think.

2010-02-01T23:55:00.001-05:00

"No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head." ~Terry Josephson

splat.;)

2010-01-28T23:24:00.005-05:00

"My life in New York works, Jake. But then I come down here... and this fits too."
also kind of the story of my life currently...except add on and take out a few words here and there.

I believe you, I hate it.

2010-01-26T14:49:00.000-05:00

"well i'm about the stupid game. because you know how i know it's me? i sit around and think about you all of the time. i can't get you out of my head. no matter what i am doing during the day, i think about what you are doing. when i wake up, i wonder if you are up yet. it's something i can't control, and it's taken me completely by surprise. call me creepy, call me whatever. but that's the honest truth."

kind of all I ever wanted to hear. why does it have to happen this way?

so little time.

2010-01-25T15:57:00.000-05:00

"It seems like the simplest concept. Just push everyone away, and you'll never get hurt. However, the simplest isn't always the most effective. Someday, someone is going to find their way in And the're going to leave you on your knees."

story of my life currently.

scary

2010-01-14T00:16:00.002-05:00

is beginning to really like somene, what sucks? knowing it can't last long.

I believe....

2010-01-07T16:33:00.001-05:00

I may be going a bit crazy.
and I'm sort of questioning a lot.

so...

2010-01-04T14:03:00.001-05:00

.
yes

I'd love too........

2009-12-18T21:44:00.003-05:00

(in no specific order)
1.Be a dancer.
2.date john o
3.travel EVERYWHERE
4.get super amazing..at? well everything.
5.make mama proud;)
6.be a journalist.
7.date alex gaskarth.
8.be outgoing/confident
9.go to the moon!
10.write a book.
11.have the ability of forever eating what I want, with out ever gaining what I want.
12. Talk to dogs, just dogs.
13.be good at math.
14.convey my thoughts out loud.
15.grow super long, thick hair. 0o0o0
16.date a handsome, great dancer.
17.Be able to fo whatever I want, because I'm rich.hehe but no badf things(:
18. Be the best Christian ever, should be number one.
19.understand mayo.
20.figure everything out!
21.Get rid of awkwardness.
22.Make all of my family and friends,have Looong, happy, healthy, safe, successful lives. (:
23.Be good at running.
24.date a good ol' country boy.
25.be able to travel back to different eras and have a look around, but not die.
26.Be able to play an instrument.
27.not get bored of people.
28.Be satisfied.
29.figure out how the hell to get the things done I want to do to be satisfied.
30.be a good artiust.(such as drawing, painting)
31.make harry potter REAL(as do so many other people)
32.Henry you can't die!(time travelors wife)
33.sharks don't bite, lions won't eat me, and murderers and rapists don't exist.
34.be in the movie grease..somewhere in the background.
35. be able to cook, very very well.
36.be friends with everybody, but not people like charles manson, and tiger woods;)
37. interview charles manson, sounds weird but I'm curious why serial killers do what they do. since apparently their brain waves are different?
38.have someone that I completely get along with, that I can call up at any time and they want to be there.
39.see blink 182, fountains of wayne, counting crows, the verve, radiohead, the violent femmes, stars, the maine,hootie and the blowfish, billy idol, the killers, mayday parade, mika, aerosmith...the list goes on..regardless if the bands are still together or not.
40.basically have an endless fund just for concerts.
41.have people like my fascination with bright lipstick.
42.be able to dive inside a book, just whenever to see what's going on before or after or during the book.
43.have all of my mom and grandma's everything they've ever wanted to happen..they rock.
44.be able to see and talk to ghosts and not be scared of it.
45.explore the depths of the ocean..without dying.
46.same goes with the universe.
47.be able to stop time and run off with someone for a little while;)
48.not be allured to sins.
49.NOT let things get to me, just forget..."oh who are you again?"
50.not be so ocd/paranoid about things.
more to come......

a little confused.

2009-12-04T23:46:00.002-05:00

I have had little to say lately..or anything interesting to say. though I sure do have a lot to say.

let's find a pretty picture...

Oh my..

2009-11-28T00:39:00.002-05:00

I go out of my damn mind when I have nothing to do. I like you...

loveliness.

2009-11-25T23:24:00.002-05:00

I really want an adventure. I hate this confused stage in life.

hi dreams-- and then I found this and got way too excited.

okay I feel way to teenage girl ish right now this has to stop.

it's time.

2009-11-24T12:52:00.002-05:00

I've been bottling up all of my creativity, and who I am. It's high time to get over myself.
Sometimes people try so hard to be different, that they become all the same.

but it isn't?

2009-11-17T22:50:00.002-05:00

I'm so ready to find someone, but it shouldn't be to compete with you.
I wanna find that kind of relationship you hear about in stories...real life and fiction.
I don't think I've felt it yet, but my fear is that it has come and gone. Please no. please everything change soon..but for the better. I know how the devil twists words. I don't know what to focus on right now, or how to feel...or how to be. teenage? yes. I sometimes feel like it's going to take "that" person to bring me in. but the feminist side of me says no. I wanna live dammit.

Bah humbug

2009-11-10T20:08:00.001-05:00

stay hopeful is so hard.

goals.

2009-11-10T00:36:00.001-05:00

gotta reach them! ;)

this is what I feel like doing-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Gh1U14RZA

People Change.

2009-11-06T20:34:00.002-05:00

Even me.
good...bad? not saying I like it. People are walking away. boo?

I know we're cool?

2009-11-05T20:23:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KLXVSsT2wQ

this describes exactly how I feel.

Confused.

2009-11-04T21:47:00.001-05:00

I'm sore.yawn.

Cruel Intentions.

2009-11-03T11:33:00.002-05:00

Love this movie, or maybe it is just him? ;) so sad.
things are rough as of now, but I'm not going to complain
It's all going to work out, I want what is best:)
People are strange, by the way.

can't focus.

2009-11-01T17:34:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure today what I want out of life, I kind of just want to fall in love and live there. "Live your life until love is found because love is only going to get you down" -mika. Now who says I believe in love? ;) I have things to do you know.

I don't want Halloween to be over:(

2009-10-30T23:25:00.002-04:00

even if it's awkward and not so exciting..I love the feeling! I'm nervous about class, rehearsal, my costume, tomorrow night, ahh Megan you need to chill! I didn't murder flowers today! woot. This year is getting worse. please please let me go and it be the right place in january! I sound like a very hyper girly girly tonight. hmph.I feel happy.

This should some it up

2009-10-29T22:06:00.008-04:00

I'm not feeling so wordy today,

and a quote to end- hehe<3

Yes, I know.

2009-10-28T21:17:00.001-04:00

I just posted something, but looking over my blog everything is so black and white! I'm moving on to happiness!

2009-10-28T21:09:00.002-04:00

I'm in the mood for corpse bride and scariness. Graveyards, haunted houses...the whole deal. I just love October and everything that comes with Halloween, but I'm not satanist, quite the opposite. I never get to do what I want on Hallowene though, last year was hell:( Hope is coming back, dance..etc. I want things to work out...please! I can't help but whine.

False hope.

2009-10-27T22:23:00.000-04:00

prayer.

2009-10-27T16:42:00.001-04:00

let's choose the right path, and find it soon!

Out of reach?

2009-10-27T13:06:00.002-04:00

Deciding if my dreams could be reality is the hard part now. What if it's all out of reach, and they're too big? I know everyone would disagree but it's a scary thing. I really want to make this happen, but time is ticking on, and I am procrastinating, and I'm scared. Please let this one amazing thing happen? Even though there are so many little ones....

My thoughts are having a field day

bound and determined.

2009-10-27T04:00:00.002-04:00

I don't how the sheets and covers get thrown off of my bed. and I lay here on the bare mattress. I'm not confident enough to display my thoughts, in fear someone will think I'm unhappy. I feel like I'm getting no where. Good things are happening to people and I'm happy for them, but now I just think it's not meant to be for me. Will something ever happen to me that I will be shocked? as far as love, ballet..etc. I'm stressed. it shows through way too much. I really want to go...you know. My friends are dis loyal. I am loyal. I'm questioning things. What have I let go..what will I gain. Can I do this? I'm 16 and I feel like I'm running out of time. I'm and thinker and it may be the death of me. In the words of the spilled canvas-"fat is an elegant cold-hearted whore, she loves salting my wounds yea she enjoys nothing more." sounds emo? stop saying that! c'mon fate be nice to me and make it snappy.

It's 3 am I must be lonely...

2009-10-27T03:31:00.001-04:00

Actually it's 3:31. But the song has it right, I am lonely. Good things happen to bad people, Did ya know that? change of environment sounds good. things change, but you have to do something about them. Only time will tell all..
isn't that scary?